2004-03-09 at 10:18 p.m.
I'm going to slowly lose the happiness this person brings me and it tears me apart.
This entry already reminds me of something that someone else would write and I haven't even started it, really.
I have this friend on the internet. This person has been my friend for longer than anyone else that I currently chat with, aside from Judes.
This person has been there for me through some seriously tough times that I have gone through.. the biggest one being the whole Clare thing. I have honestly come to love this person, but it's a different kind of love. It's.. not just words or emotions on a computer, I really do love this person with my heart.
It's not a relationship... boyfriend/girlfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend sort of love, either. It's a true friendship kind of love. The kind that lasts through anything because you know your friendship is strong enough. You know you would do anything for that person and that person would do anything for you. It's really the best kind of love.
Well, we've had this.. constant source of communication for so many years. Today, that source got taken away and we have no way to communicate except for hotmail. If any of you have a friend on the internet that you're used to chatting with, you know the feeling... that email just isn't enough. It won't be enough, I need to be able to chat with this person every day!
This person knows me inside and out. They can tell when I'm sad or when my mood is really good. This person always comments on it, making sure they let me know that they're paying attention and they really do care. They're not just in it for the chat, the recreation, they're in it because their heart is in it, just like mine.
This person has truly been my rock. My source of sanity in my insane life and I don't know how I'm going to stay remotely sane without them.
Gosh, this person was so strong for me towards the end of, and after my surrogacy. They didn't judge me. They didn't think negatively of me when I realized my decision to be a surrogate was the wrong one. They asked me how I felt, they asked me if I needed anything. They assured me that things would be okay... and they were right.
This person just... loves me... for me. What more could I ask for? But now, I'm going to lose that. I'm going to slowly lose the relationship. I'm going to slowly lose the feelings. I'm going to slowly lose the happiness this person brings me and it tears me apart.