2004-04-18 at 11:14 a.m.
I came to this diary, intending to write an entry and I noticed that my buddy list was lit up. Went to take a gander and read the diary involved. What a blow.
So, this entry is going to have the same topic, but the subject might be a little bit different, now.
I remember the first time I turned on a computer and logged into a chat room. It was well over 4, almost 5 years ago. As most of us know, it's easy to fall into the land of the computer. Too easy.
There are people here that you chat with every day and you actually convince yourself that you know them and that you can trust them. Then one day you find out that they're not who they say they are. I've experienced this at it's finest.
It's very easy to fall in love with someone over the internet for this exact reason. This person is who you want them to be and you don't see anything else about them. They may have sent you a picture, who's to say that it's really them? No matter how far across this world these people range, you allow them into your heart and you allow your heart to be broken by these complete, total strangers.
You build friendships, friendships based on trust and honesty. Friendship based on feelings and security. Even tho you may very rarely see these people in real life, you count on them and you think of them just as you would think of a live friend when you have some exciting news that you want to share.
So many people experience this in so many different ways.
So now, we can have friends on the internet, we can find love on the internet, we can get support on the internet that we don't think we can find in real life. Hell, we can even have sex on the internet, we can order food on the internet. There's really nothing that can't get done sitting in front of this little electronic box.
So now our real lives are nothing. We have nothing going for us in human existance because instead, we count on this stupid little box. When does the time come, ever, that we don't have the desire to sit in front of this box and carry on with our everyday lives here?
It has to... because...
Love ends on the internet and it breaks your heart as much as it would in real life and then you realize... fuck, I didn't even know this person! What in the fuck was I thinking?! If I truly had common sense I wouldn't have even dipped my toes into that relationship, or any other that I've been through on the net.
Friendships face deceit. No matter how good of friends you think you are, something will always happen to prove you wrong. When you have a friend that you feel you could tell anything to and that person would tell you anything, too, only to find out that truthfully, that's not true. Instead, they do their best to avoid telling you anything that might hint to their secret because they are afraid of what you might tell them and the fact that you might be right.. once again. But even moreso, they don't give you the chance to listen and encourage because they don't trust you as much as they pretend to or as much as you trust them. Yes, they can talk about their period or their kids with you, but the most important things in their lives, they are unwilling to discuss. If someone were your true friend, they would want to share the most important things first, No?
Then.... to look back on it all and realize that stupid you should have seen the signs because there WERE signs. Little things that you wonder about but don't have a real reason for, so you just blow them off? Or maybe you will ask why that happened and you will get an answer that you're almost certain, after, was just a lie to throw you off. Like, an example... A friend sends you 8 pictures, claiming they were just taken to use the rest of the film on the camera, when now it's obvious that they wanted to take these pictures for a guy they might be lusting over or having a relationship with, but heck, they were in her puter so she will share them with you and make up an excuse as to why she took them.
"No big deal, she can't look into my eyes and see the lies so I'm safe and I can send them and worry about the end result later, you know when she feels like I've been keeping my whole life and everything that is important in it from my supposed best friend. Yeah, that's the cool thing to do." Right.
In real life, if a friendship were happening like that, you would be able to look into their faces and see the happiness and that they were keeping secrets from you and you could make them come out with it. Oh but not through this stupid little box, that's not a very likely thing that could possibly happen, eh?
Well life goes on and a time comes to give up things in your life that aren't real. A time comes where you realize that your online friendships aren't true friendships and instead, are something to do to fill your time with while you hide from the real world. You find that the support you receive online is just a method you use to save yourself from having to face your true emotions. You know, it's a lot easier to type words through your fingertips instead of speak words through your soul. Everything in this electronic box is fake and nothing anyone says or do can prove otherwise, cos trying is just someone else's method of staying lost in this fairytale world wide web land.
Enjoy it everyone. I've taken off my rose colored glasses. Hello world, here I come!!!